Today I discovered the thread on Twitter, #YesAllWomen. It was recently created after the horrifying Isla Vista shooting. The whole purpose is to show how women are mistreated on a daily basis and how men need to be more respectful towards women and treat them like people, not sex objects, a cause dear to my heart as I call myself a feminist.
As I was reading these out loud to Matthew, he asked me if I had ever had an experience where I was mistreated because I'm a girl. I thought for a moment, "Nothing too horrible..." but then when I really thought about it, I realized, yes. Many times. I've decided to share them here because after reading all those tweets from real women with real experiences with mistreatment, I realized that women need to tell these stories otherwise nothing will ever change. This might be hard to hear, but women are mistreated because they are women. It doesn't matter the culture or society; it's happening everywhere. So here are my experiences with it.
First, my most recent experience which I described in a previous blog post. I'm still disturbed by the disrespect demonstrated.
Second, during a college class, in a discussion on beliefs and causes we need to stand up for, I brought up women's rights and how women in our society are often mistreated. My professor immediately put down my point, saying that maybe in other countries that's the case but not in America. We moved on to gun control.
Third, when I was probably fourteen, my sister, Cecilia, and our friend, Cossette, were driving home from a party at midnight. I fell asleep in the back of the car and when I woke up, Cecilia and Cossette were freaking out because the truck next to us had been following us for the past ten minutes. It was full of boys who were cat calling out the window and asking for our phone number. When we pulled off at our exit, they continued to follow us. Cossette ran a red light to try and lose them. They blazed through the red light and continued to follow us. We drove around in zig zags not daring to go home for about fifteen minutes before finally losing them. The fact that I was too afraid to get down their license plate or call the police sickens me.
Fourth, getting cat calls from truckers on road trips. Also, having to be extra safe on road trips because rape and murder is a serious threat to every girl traveling alone.
Fifth, when I was around fifteen, I was in a car with three boys who were making fun of Twilight. They joked about how no man would have the self control to lie in bed with a girl without having sex with her. One of them mimicked a girl's voice saying, "Edward, I didn't know this would happen," as if all girls are naive to sexuality and all men have no control over their man parts (sound like justifying rape to you?). When I threatened to get out of the car and walk home because of their disrespect, they told me I was overreacting and that they were just kidding. All of them were born and raised LDS, by the way.
Sixth, having my driver's ed teacher think I was stupid for studying French and pretty much treat me like an idiot while I was driving, but joking and praising the boys who drove. Then having another driver's ed teacher scream and yell at me, then call me "sweetheart" like it made everything okay in the end.
Seventh, having a male teacher ignore, or put down, my comments and my raised hand, but praising and babying any boy who made the stupidest comment.
Eighth, and to me, incredibly upsetting, is the awkward talks that young men's presidents or other male church leaders gave to me and other young women about being modest. I've had talks where men said not to wear lace because it's reminiscent of lingerie. I've had talks where men said that the men on the stand can see down your shirts, so cover up. The underlying message always seems to be, "Your dress gives boys dirty thoughts, which is a sin, and that's your fault." Here's the deal, modesty is not about dress. Modesty is about knowing your self-worth. I've seen the most modest girls in the world wearing tank tops. I've seen some of the most Christlike people I've met with cleavage. They were not sinning. They were not dirty. If a young man looked at them and thought sexual thoughts, he had a problem because the purity that shown through these people made their dress irrelevant. That's what needs to be taught (and is taught) by the female church leaders: women, know your worth and wear it in every aspect of your life, your attitude, your speech, your mannerisms, and (because it usually follows naturally for a modest woman) your dress. Men, teach young men to watch their thoughts and treat women like normal PEOPLE. Let the women take care of the modesty talks.
The thing that was the worst of these eight incidents was probably the teacher who told me that women aren't mistreated in America. And I thought, "Of course you think that. You're a guy." It isn't the big mistreatments that need to be stopped. These are just a symptom. It's the entire way men see women. We are not sex toys. We are not emotional freaks who are impaired because of our incredible ability to have feelings. We are not to be used as an insult (don't be such a girl, you cry like a girl). We are not weak (childbirth, anyone? Is there anything more painful? And yet I know some women who've done it 10 times. I wouldn't call that weak). Our value is not based on how we look. We are not dumb, naive, or stupid. We deserve respect, just like every person does. I'm proud to say I'm a feminist, and I want to encourage everyone to look out for these instances of mistreatment and stand up for women. If someone calls someone a "girl" for getting upset, call them out for it. If someone asks a girl if she's on her period because she makes a rude comment, remind them that everyone gets upset, no matter their sex. When someone jokes about someone's insufficiency and attributes it to her being a woman, don't stand for that sort of prejudice. I'm sorry to say that these things happen every single day, and I'm tired of it. Let's show some respect for women and stand up for them in every situation, no matter what.
