Usually, I'm the one who chooses to go back into these past reveries, but last week, my past self jumped out at me and reminded me about something incredibly important. You see, I took a class this semester that I never thought I'd take. As a creative writing major, I get to take two specialized creative writing classes, choosing between poetry, fiction, creative non-fiction, screenwriting, and children's writing. I discovered that the only options that worked with my schedule this semester were creative non-fiction and screenwriting. I feel like I do a ton of creative non-fiction anyways (it's practically all I write nowadays, besides dumb syntheses and research papers), but I had never once considered taking a screenwriting class. The idea of writing for tv or movies had never even occurred to me. I thought it would not be something I would be remotely good at or even enjoy. Also, it was a three hour class, once a week, on Wednesday nights. Luckily, I had three awesome friends who were also taking the class and convinced me to do it as well. Now that it's almost over, I can decisively say, it is the best class I could've possibly taken.
At the beginning of the semester, we were told that there would be no tests, no quizzes, no exams, and practically no homework. Our entire grade was pretty much based on writing an entire screenplay. We read a few books on screenwriting as well, but they were so fun, I read them when I wanted to procrastinate my other homework and finished them weeks before we would discuss them (Hermione moment).
So, did you write a screenplay?
I actually did! It's 95 pages, which is about 5 pages short of a full length movie, but I'm still incredibly proud of it. So, I actually finished it two weeks ago (with little to no editing. I spent all of last week cleaning it up as much as possible.), and that's when my past self suddenly resurfaced. After class, I went to the school printer and spent almost $4.00 printing off my first manuscript. It felt almost holy to cradle the warm three inch stack of paper in my arms as Matt and I drove home. When I got home, I remembered that I had two hours to write a science paper, comment on a few discussion boards, and skim a few 100 slide long powerpoints. I was suddenly incredibly angry, but I wasn't quite sure why. I had time to do the homework. I was a little rushed, but it wasn't the stress that was making me angry. As I browsed through the slides with barely any pictures and a hundred blocks of text (obviously, there are still a lot of professors out there who don't understand what a powerpoint is for), I put down my computer because I just couldn't handle that kind of homework anymore.
That's when my past self sort of popped up. She kinda sat there, smiling at me in that deranged way I do when I'm excited. She looked down at my manuscript that was sitting on the floor, forgotten in the rush to finish procrastinated homework. Then she said, "You did it. This is why you came to college. To write." I remembered all the nights I'd force myself to write when I was 17, knowing everything I was writing was horrible, knowing I needed teaching because I didn't have the skill. I wrote a ton of partially finished stories, and I thought, "How will I ever be able to finish a novel? I can't even complete smaller stories." But now I've done it. I've written a full length screenplay, which I actually believe is harder than a novel (In a book, the writer is free to narrate thoughts, feelings, and anything else going on that doesn't have to be shown, whereas in a screenplay, it's all show, no tell.). So, I started to cry, naturally, because I realized, after three years of college, I reached my dream of writing a complete story. I actually feel like I could up and quit college right now and probably do just fine (but I won't... 'cause I'm all responsible and crap *sigh), because I did it! I freakin' wrote this huge story! And it's not horrible! (maybe?)
Writing this screenplay was hard. Not in a physically demanding way (I wrote most of it in bed), but in an emotionally demanding way. Not only are you constantly worrying about your characters in their little world that you created for them, you're worried about your writing, and the plot, and the development, and the plausibility. The nice thing is that I had to force myself to write because part of our grade was writing ten pages a week, a deadline which I only missed once. I needed an opportunity to force myself to write something like this because so many times when I'll start a story, I'm so convinced it's crap that I stop before I get twenty pages in. It was exactly the same way with this story, but this time, I couldn't go back, I couldn't stop, because I only had 10 weeks to write it! So I forced myself to write it, even when I was convinced it was the crappiest thing anyone had ever written. There were times where it was painful to write, and I was certain I was a complete failure and a fool for writing. But I kept writing. And now it's done!
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| We had to make a mock movie poster for our screenplay. |
Do you feel like you're a much better writer now that you've been studying English and writing for three years?
Not really. Actually, if you put my scribblings from when I was 17 and my current writings from today side by side, they'd probably be incredibly similar. Sure, I've learned some tips about writing (like tactfully using exposition, which I suck at, and showing not telling, which I also suck at), and my grammar has definitely improved (but my spelling hasn't). Still, the only reason I think I was able to complete this full length story is because I had deadlines and my grades on the line, not because I suddenly developed a super power for writing.
I honestly believe the only thing I have learned that made it so I was able to write this screenplay, whereas before I couldn't get past twenty pages of anything I wrote, is to never stop writing, not even to edit, until the story is finished. That may not be how other people write, but I realized that is the only way I can write something full length. My professor, Sister Gilbert, kind of forced me into realizing this. After writing my first ten pages (which I knew were complete crap), Sister Gilbert told us that we were not allowed to go back and edit, but that we had to keep writing the next ten pages. This boggled my mind. I always thought you should make whatever you write pristine before you write more, but she explained that you'll be so disappointed when you try to edit that you'll discourage yourself. Now, she only said this for the first ten pages, but I decided to try this for my entire screenplay. I took notes on the side of my work so I could remind myself of things I wanted to change and of good advice that my writing group and professor had given me, but it wasn't until I had a "THE END" that I went back and actually changed all of those things. This was so healthy because instead of beating myself up over the plot holes and character problems, I simply took down a note then kept writing.
So if I could ever pop up on my past self's couch (which is a fantasy I have a lot. There are so many things 17-year-old me needs to know! Like how she'll be married in two years so quit worrying about boys. They're all dumb, but there's one who isn't and he'll find you, so don't worry.), I would probably say, "You totally have the ability to write a book right now. All you have to do is keep writing. Don't stop to edit until your done. Even if it's crap, even if you hate it, even if you can't see where it's going, keep writing. Step into the darkness. It'll be light soon enough. Just take it step by step. You'll get there."
